Don't Settle for Mr. Wrong!

In class, Professor Nellis passed out a paper "Q&A: Is it Time to Stop Waiting for Mr. Right?" By Andrea Sachs (TIME's Senior Reporter). The answers to the questions she posed were very interesting. Women thought it was necessary to be extremely picky when choosing their ideal men. Men seemed more excepting of women when asked "what is your definition of settling?" and they openly explained how men receive certain things from different women in their lives. Interesting.....

I would like to answer one of her questions in my own words. (My answer is based on my own experience and bias.)

What's your definition of "settling"?

I think many men and women are setting for the person they can "handle" nowadays. People sometimes get tired of waiting for "Mr./Mrs. Right". From what I have seen, impatience can cause great heart ache in the end. I believe that every person on this earth desires to be loved by another person. This love is usually desired through a partner.

Balance is necessary when choosing criteria for your 'must have man/woman'. I have learned through personal experiences that when a woman has high expectations but does not receive results in a timely fashion this usually brings her to settling or to the point of not having expectations at all. .... Sometimes woman dwell on the more superficial qualities of men. Will he be a good provider? Is he good looking?... (This might potentially be the underlying issue of why people get divorced later on in life. Because, we all know what looks don’t last, true character does.) In today's society, character, beliefs, and morals seem to be undervalued.

Personally, I have decided to write down my "must man list", and by making pre-decisions before I meet a guy I might be attracted to. I can then refer to my list and ask myself "why am I attracted to this man?" This does not mean that I should not question my high expectations. They should be reasonably attainable. But, like the article was talking about: Should the guy that fits 80% of criteria be crossed of the list because he is a bit too short? – This brings the discussion back to superficial reasons. – The majority of one’s list (I think) should be based on character qualities and interests.

The list’s form of accountability can be extremely beneficial. It keeps me from "settling". After all, I believe marriage is for life. If I am settling for the man I want to spend forever with, I’m putting myself into an extremely dangerous position. I also need to recognize that in order for me to maintain high expectations that are still reasonable for my future husband to attain; I first must work on Me. What am I will to work on in my own life… and what do I need to change in order for this “almost” perfect man to be attracted to me?

World's Strictest Parent

After watching this episode of the reality TV show, “World’s Strictest Parent” on reforming dysfunctional children, I now have a better picture of how the world views contemporary versus traditional parenting.  Two children who had been brought up in typically contemporary parenting homes were brought into a strict household of large size and many rules. The two unruly teenagers were to be reformed in some way within a week’s time. They were to learn how to be more respectful towards authority figures, what it looks like to be in a 'normal' and well-functioning home, and more. The show gave the impression that contemporary parenting has more negative effects on a child’s upbringing then traditional parenting does.

My first thoughts before watching the episode were quite analytical. My predictions were not true. I thought I would be categorized as one who had grown up in a traditional home. I stood corrected. According to the movie a traditional home is very rigid with rules, chores, and discipline. The contemporary home was seen to be dysfunctional with few to no rules enforced, liberties of all sort and parental guidance lacked. The parents took on different roles in each of the different homes. The traditional parent was one with higher authority and leadership roles; whereas, the contemporary parent seemed to desire a friendship with their children making it very hard for them to attain higher author and leadership.

Looking back, I believe I grew up (and my parents continue with this method of parenting) with a healthy balance between the two approaches to parenting. My siblings and I built a friendship with our parents while we also held great respect for them.

I believe that a healthy balance of traditional and contemporary parenting skills need to be used during the upbringing of children.

Vulnerability – Brene Brown’s T.E.D. Talk

Brene Brown hit it on the nose!

“Connection brings purpose and meaning.” Brene makes a very well put statement here saying that without connection in one’s life there is no purpose. People are living examples of this. Starting at birth, children want and long for connection with other people. A baby cries for their mother when needing to be held, toddlers love to play with others, elementary students want to belong, fast forward and seniors love to visit with each other. Purpose is often found in what you can give and receive through others. From a personal point of view, I often find purpose, not in my schedule or accomplishments, but in who I interact with and how I interact with them.

This topic reminds me of Simon Sinek’s “Golden Circle.” He encourages a “bold goal to help build a world in which the vast majority of people go home every day feeling fulfilled by their work.” He says that when one is selling or promoting an item they should become passionate about if first. One should present WHY they want to sell, then HOW they want to sell it, and lastly present WHAT they are selling….

All this said to bring me to my point. When people naturally connect with each other, without realizing it, everyone one knows WHY they want to connect, HOW they want to connect, and WHO they want to connect with. This makes connections sound like a formula. That is not my intention. Rather it is to pose a question:  that when a person is connecting with others, do they know why, how and who they are thinking to connect with before they do? And if so, does one start with WHY and end with WHO?

My Reasons for Marriage

Professor Robert Nellis showed us a documentary on modern marriage today called "Thoroughly Modern Marriage." This documentary on marriage presents several ways couples choose to share their lives together. Some get married, cohabitate, live in a distant relationship, or have open relations with other couples. This different options cause me to reflect on the reasons why I would rather get married than "do" a long term relationship any other way.

I agree with Don and Sally Meredith (http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/gods-three-purposes-for-marriage-1195763.html)  when they say that God created marriage to unite man and woman in holy matrimony under Him to:

1.       reflect His Image,

2.       reproduce children in His likeness,

3.       and reign in spiritual warfare.

My exposure to the traditions of my family, friends, and how they view marriage has influenced my opinion to stand firm within my Christian beliefs that it is a holy union in which three persons are united: God, a man and a woman.