In class, Professor Nellis passed out a paper "Q&A: Is it Time to Stop Waiting for Mr. Right?" By Andrea Sachs (TIME's Senior Reporter). The answers to the questions she posed were very interesting. Women thought it was necessary to be extremely picky when choosing their ideal men. Men seemed more excepting of women when asked "what is your definition of settling?" and they openly explained how men receive certain things from different women in their lives. Interesting.....
I would like to answer one of her questions in my own words. (My answer is based on my own experience and bias.)
What's your definition of "settling"?
I think many men and women are setting for the person they can "handle" nowadays. People sometimes get tired of waiting for "Mr./Mrs. Right". From what I have seen, impatience can cause great heart ache in the end. I believe that every person on this earth desires to be loved by another person. This love is usually desired through a partner.
Balance is necessary when choosing criteria for your 'must have man/woman'. I have learned through personal experiences that when a woman has high expectations but does not receive results in a timely fashion this usually brings her to settling or to the point of not having expectations at all. .... Sometimes woman dwell on the more superficial qualities of men. Will he be a good provider? Is he good looking?... (This might potentially be the underlying issue of why people get divorced later on in life. Because, we all know what looks don’t last, true character does.) In today's society, character, beliefs, and morals seem to be undervalued.
Personally, I have decided to write down my "must man list", and by making pre-decisions before I meet a guy I might be attracted to. I can then refer to my list and ask myself "why am I attracted to this man?" This does not mean that I should not question my high expectations. They should be reasonably attainable. But, like the article was talking about: Should the guy that fits 80% of criteria be crossed of the list because he is a bit too short? – This brings the discussion back to superficial reasons. – The majority of one’s list (I think) should be based on character qualities and interests.
The list’s form of accountability can be extremely beneficial. It keeps me from "settling". After all, I believe marriage is for life. If I am settling for the man I want to spend forever with, I’m putting myself into an extremely dangerous position. I also need to recognize that in order for me to maintain high expectations that are still reasonable for my future husband to attain; I first must work on Me. What am I will to work on in my own life… and what do I need to change in order for this “almost” perfect man to be attracted to me?
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